Dogshit-Neutral Jurors Selected In Dane Cook Doggie Poop Trial Of The Century [Not So Great Dane]

Dogshit-Neutral Jurors Selected In Dane Cook Doggie Poop Trial Of The Century [Not So Great Dane]
Embattled pet-owner Dane Cook is finally being made to answer for his Pinscher-loaf sins, as his eviction trial for failing to pick up after his miniature canine companion Beast has just completed the jury selection process. (See him attacked by pragmatic paparazzi—"C'mon, Dane. It's just dog crap!"—above.) Among the questions asked by his counsel of potential candidates:

- What's worse. Stepping in gum or stepping in dog poop? - If you live next to a park and saw dog poop, would you avoid that park?
- Would you confront someone about spitting out gum on the sidewalk or not picking up dog poop in a public place? - Would you confront a neighbor about picking up after their dog?

Jurors who demonstrated no visible dog biases were then made to answer one final bonus-round question ("If we were to tell you the complimentary paté you've been enjoying in the holding room was actually made from Rottweiler droppings, would you feel compelled to eat more, less, or about the same amount?"), at which point their final choices were made. Next up, the jury watches what the landlord claims is the case's smoking turd evidence: a video of the offending mongrel assuming the arched evacuating position in the apartment courtyard. Be sure to return soon for a Defamer exclusive: Dominick Dunne's front-row seat take!
Published 7/9/08 by


Defamer

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