Who Do You Think You’re Fooling, Will(is)?

On the mythological waiting list/roster of shoe-in attendees, Suri Cruise and possibly the Preston-Travolta clan. While the Han star and his wife are insistent that the school is not grounded in L. Ron Hubbard’s teachings, “several teachers on board at the school are members of the Church.”

Will and Jada’s New Village is different. For one, unlike your standard everyday brand of school sports which are nothing more than thinly veiled exercises in masochism where humans get used as target practice (dodgeball, kickball), New Village students will have the option of doing yoga. How very progressive. We’re no Scientologists here (and therefore ignorant as to the ways of the future), but we foresee a very heartfelt Oprah episode airing towards the mid-August in which Tom and Katie make cameos alongside their bestest friends and everyone shares some “I love you(s)”.

If only the ending to this sad story weren’t quite as predictable as Han’s twisted denouement.

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