'Twilight' Star's Hairy Chest Frightens The Tweens As Alan Ball Preps Hotter, Cooler Vampire Series [Hairy Donuts]

'Twilight' Star's Hairy Chest Frightens The Tweens As Alan Ball Preps Hotter, Cooler Vampire Series [Hairy Donuts]
Like it or not, it’s time to let go of any qualms you may have about welcoming a successor to Harry Potter’s tween-bewitching throne and embrace what will surely become the zeitgeisty-est franchise of the decade. Twilight is here, it’s a little bit queer, and don’t even try ignoring it. The dewy, sexy, hickey-adorned film version of the hugely successful books centered around hot teenage vampires has begun garnering its first feature stories in the glossies, and the millions of “fan girls” obsessed with the tales are mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore. The new issue of EW features the film’s two newbie stars on its cover, and the odd photo is setting message boards and fan sites ablaze with criticism from the series’ longtime devotees. And angry fans aren’t the only obstacle Twilight faces — too-cool-for-school Alan Ball has a vampire show premiering on HBO later this year and, unlike “powdered donut” Edward and “plain” Bella, his blood-suckers sit at the cool kids’ table...

Both Twilight and True Blood have a very similar Romeo and Juliet-like couple at the center of their story lines — as you (should!) know by now, Twilight's main focus is on the doomed romance between the impossibly gorgeous vampire Edward and nerdy mere mortal Bella, while TB stars equally titillating Stephen Moyer as the bad boy blood-luster and Anna Paquin as the frumpy waitress who falls for him. While Twilight lacks a single marquee name, Ball's show not only scored Paquin, but recently added Alexander Skarsgard to the cast, son of Swedish sexpot Stellan. And Alan Ball isn't afraid of letting his iness show — in an interview with THR's blog, the Six Feet Under vet and king of quirky cool dismissed all those other silly vampire shows (all of which, like Buffy, were far from flops) by saying, "I think it's pretty lame when you let your vampire go out during the day just because you don't want to shoot at night."

Plus, Ball has the advantage of debuting TB in September, while Twilight isn't scheduled to hit theaters until December. But we think Ball's balls are a wee bit heftier than they should be when it comes to giving competitors the finger. Even if EW got it all wrong by depicting Twilight's leads as pale, hairy, and "too seductive" for innocent tweenybops' taste, sex sells. And Paquin, adorable as she is, just can't compete with the nubile allure of Twilight's memorably sultry trailer when it comes to pitching trouser tents.
Published 7/11/08 by


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