Jessica Simpson Sex Tape?

The crowd welcomed Simpson with boos [as] she strutted onto the stage in Daisy Duke shorts and cowboy boots [singing] a cover of “These Boots are Made for Walking.”

Audience members found her attempt to crossover into country irritating and that her vocals lacked a southern sound. “She’s an embarrassment to country music,” [said a fan]. “It’s crap. She doesn’t belong here.”

Well, nothing fixes a floundering career quite like a sex tape, right? Good thing there’s one in the works! According to Digital Spy

The home movie features Simpson engaging in a number of sex acts with her ex-husband Nick Lachey. [The video] has been acquired by the same people who released Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s holiday sex video.

The tape will reportedly be distributed online unless Simpson pays an undisclosed fee to keep it out of the public domain.

Everyone knows that the old saying “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” is totally obsolete in this day and age. The 2008 spin on success should read more like: “if at first you don’t succeed, make sure there’s video of you getting railed on the kitchen counter for mass distribution later on.” After all, success is not a destination, it’s a journey! A journey down anal trail, that is. Godspeed, Jessica!

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