Stuck On You - Gemma Atkinson Throws Her Knickers At Cristiano Ronaldo

Now while mum and dad learn via the papery News of the World how Gemma likes to strip for her footballer, the web version allows daughter to ape Gemma’s moves in the training ground of her own bedroom and son to extend the sticky fingers of adolescence in his.

Now at last The News of the World can truly claim to be the family newspaper.

And here is Gemma to tell us: “I trained as a stripper for Hollyoaks so I’m really good. I’ve got a couple of wicked moves up my sleeve.”

Gemma, an assisted 32DD, is rarely seen in anything as demure as sleeves. But whatever the outfit, Gemma takes her clothes off to the dulcet tones of Lionel Richie. “He’s got a lovely voice,” says Gemma, “it gets me in the mood.”

But what’s this? GEMMA’S RE-UNITED,” announces the People’s headline. And no, Gemma has not been re-united with a favourite pair of knickers flung to the darker reaches of chez Ronaldo as Richie’s Stuck On You legato reached climax.

Gemma has been re-united with Manchester United’s Ronaldo.

It seems their relationship is not as smooth as a lap-dancer’s pole and the couple had a break in play. Why they split we are uncertain. But now they are back together.

And Gemma is stripping. This will keep Ronaldo happy. But what if he did cheat on her, for argument’s sake?

Says Gemma in the NOTW: “I’d dump him immediately. The best revenge is getting on with life and showing what a good time you’re having.”

Or, failing that, Gemma could always try locking Ronaldo in the house and playing Richie’s oeuvre at full throat. Or leaving her used knickers in the oven…

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