AIW Top 5 Celebrity Moments of the Week

No.5 - Kerry Katona

Speaking of moments that remind you why your life is probably pretty good, here is Kerry Katona’s wrecktastic appearance on English breakfast show, This Morning.  

It’s not for me to judge but I think that, when Kerry spent $30,000 getting liposuction, the doctor might have sucked out part of her brains.

No. 4 - Beyonce changes her name to Sasha Fierce

I changed my name once.  I changed it back once I realized that ‘Amber Bagina’ on a resume, when you’re not applying for a job at a strip club, is about as career limiting as it comes.  

Beyonce obviously has not learned from my sobering experience, and has decided on a new moniker, Sasha Fierce.  According to Beyonce Sasha, the new name reflects her ‘fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side’.  Impressive, you think?  Maybe.  But does her name rhyme with a female body part like mine did.  I think not. You lose, Sasha.

No. 3 - Paris and Jordan party in London

Now, I could make an obvious joke about Paris Hilton and Jordan partying along the lines of free clinics having to pay overtime to their poor staff to eliminate the Great Crab Plague that is bound to happen when American and British crabs collide. 

Never let it be said that I am anything but obvious.

No. 2 - Tara Reid is deformed

I don’t want to brag but I can tell you just about anything you want to know about Tara’s reproductive cycle right about now.  Don’t ask me how.  Some call it a gift.  Not me.  There are some mysteries of the universe that are just not worth knowing.

No. 1 - Guy Ritchie is single

Guy Ritchie is now single.  Apparently, there is a custody battle looming between whether England or America have to house Madonna.  I’ve got money on the English taking this out.  They’ve got miserable weather, poor food and Kerry Katona, all of which will combine to drive Madonna straight into the arms of the Motherland.

Meanwhile, can someone tell me what the heck happened to Jude Law.  I’d expect Robert Downey Jnr to look like that, but Jude?  I want to cry tears but my dermatologist advises against it, lest I end up like Tara Reid.

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