Jean-Claude Van Damme Wants to be Naked in Front of You

Sometimes interviewing celebs isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s more like talking to your doctor. You just want to come right out and state that you have weird bumps on your lady bits and be done with it. Instead you beat around the bush (no pun intended) with mundane chatter.

Some poor 22 year old reporter got an ear full of awkward when she was talking to Jean Claude Van Damme. Sarah Ball was interviewing the ancient action hero to shill his new film “JCVD,” when he went into creepy uncle mode.

Jean-Claude: I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

Newsweek reporter: OK –

Jean-Claude: It was like being naked — I would love to be naked in front of you.

Newsweek reporter: Well, I –

Jean-Claude: Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

Newsweek reporter: So you’ve no regrets at all?

Jean-Claude: Believe me — I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Newsweek reporter: Yes, I am.

Jean-Claude: And are you 27, or 32?

Newsweek reporter: I ‘ m 22.

Jean-Claude: Oh, f—. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?
Newsweek reporter: I don’t know. When is it?

Jean-Claude: I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Newsweek reporter: Uh –

Jean-Claude: You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

I think at that point I would be going off record to inform Jean Claude Van Damme that if he came near me a bottle of champagne he would find said booze in one of his various cavities that would make it very difficult ever do a round house kick again.

[The Ampersand]

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