America's Next Top Model: Thanks For The Memories, Brittany

America's Next Top Model: "I Have A Different Look - I'm Pretty." (1)
Previously - Women's Basketball Whitell was sent packin', Renee seemingly changed her stank attitude, and Natasha freaked out because she didn't win the see-your-long-lost-baby-you-abandoned-to-come-here prize challenge. Oh, and Dionne realized she's a lesbian. If you listen to Tyra's opening voice-over, she's very carnival huckster/tent revival. She accentuates certain words and it's jarring. "And she was sent HOME..." or "WHO will be sent home tonight?" She's such a show woman.

No, that's right! It's an ANTM recap the night after! Are you serious? Did J. Harvey up his meth intake? Did the boyfriend dump him? Inquiring minds want to know. There's always a thrill when the girls fly away, though. Isn't there? Maybe that's what spurred this crazy behavior.

Jaslene and Jael are in the closet, which is a place Jael isn't acquainted with. Oh come on, you know she's been with a lady or two in her drugged out shiny healer of the universe lifestyle. Jaslene confesses that when Tyra told her she was "falling and falling" in the competition, it sucked. She should have just turned down her hearing aid. That's what my mom's boyfriend's Dad used to do. He didn't want to listen to them so he lived with his hearing aid turned off. That's pretty drastic. But anyway, Jaslene's still here. She's just gonna step up her game. Brittany can't believe she made it halfway through, especially dragging that weave behind her like a lodestone! Attracting other raggedy weaves. She was almost overcome! It was like a damn "Star Trek" episode.

Jael and Natasha discuss Moscow and how Natasha was the hottest girl in Red Square. She got all the government issued vodka before the fall of Communism. She says she always knew she was meant for better things than marrying some guy from...and here's where she commits a Freudian slip. You know she wanted to say from the U.S. Because you know her husband is some rich software geek who's more Kraft Macaroni & Cheese than actual flesh. And she has to sit in his basement in her lingerie while he alternately wanks to her and then makes her watch G4 and every Apple keynote speech Steve Jobs has ever given. She quickly says "from next door" but we still feel her pain. Maybe she'll win and escape her life of painful geek servitude. Jael's like are there a lot of pretty girls in Russia? No, they're all butt. Seriously, when Natasha left so did beauty. What? Jael talks about how everyone's eccentric and how she's the spreader of light, and well, blow. Dude, come on. No one gets that way naturally!

More of America's Next Top Model Cycle 8 after the jump.

Written by J. Harvey

Published 4/19/07 by


A Socialite's Life

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