Your Children Will Never Be as Beautiful as Cindy Crawford’s

Like, Presley and Kaia are the prettiest kids in the whole world. You can’t genetically engineer prettier kids than this.

I mean, Presley is nine years old, and I already know I’m gonna wanna have sex with him in about ten years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attracted to a nine-year-old, but, like, honestly, how often can you look at a nine-year-old boy and be like “I’m gonna wanna hit that when it’s older”? But this kid? Is gonna be so hot. I mean, he already has that “Yeah, I’m insanely hot, and we both know it” look in his eyes.

And Kaia? I didn’t even know it was possible for a 7-year-old to have the bone structure of a supermodel, but this girl does. Ridiculous. Totally unfair. I’m intimidated by the looks of a second-grader. It’s a cruel, cruel world.

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