Disneyland’s Jack Sparrows Laid Off Due to Economy Breasts

ANAHEIM — Disneyland management has fired the four actors who played pirate Jack Sparrow because officials were worried about young female park-goers flashing the swashbuckling actors late at night, according to one former cast member.

“They lost control when they saw Jack Sparrow,” said former pirate Brandon Pinto, who left the role after a dispute with management a year ago. “This is a sexy, rock-star pirate.”

The pirate actors said they were told they were no longer needed for the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at about the same time that additional fairies were added to the park’s cast, presumably to promote Disney’s new movie “Tinkerbell.”

Disneyland recently opened “Pixie Hollow” to capitalize on the new movie.

Disney denies that they pirates were replaced by Tinker Bell fairies.

Here’s what I have to say: If you’ve been laid off recently, you should be really, really pissed that someone somewhere is getting paid actual U.S. dollars to research and write that article.

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