So, Um, When Is Abigail Breslin Going to Be Old Enough for Me to Make Fun of What She’s Wearing?

I’m just looking for a ballpark figure here.

15? 16? I mean, do you really have to wait until a kid’s 18 when she’s already been nominated for an Oscar? Doesn’t that make her fair game a little sooner? We were allowed to make fun of Anna Paquin’s teeth back in ‘94, weren’t we?

Because, like, if I were allowed to make fun of Abigail Breslin at this tender age, I would note that her hair is a better fit for, say, the Little Miss Sunshine pageant than a Los Angeles fundraiser. And that if you’re going to put that much makeup on a 12-year-old — which is a bad idea to begin with — you need to bite the bullet and get her some eyelashes, too. And the boots? I can’t even talk about the boots right now. I want to talk about the boots. I just can’t talk about the boots. Please talk about the boots for me.

At a benefit party hosted by Animal Fair magazine this weekend.

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