Listen Up Everyone! Mischa Barton Has Some Relationship Advice For You!

Mischa is just so insightful-she really needs a pulpit and I’m willing to help that happen.  I will personally lead the motion for the creation of a new religion-Mischatology, anyone?

Lesson one in the Book of Mischatology: Don’t get married.

The never married but always mighty Mischa has spoken:

“You see a lot of relationships fall apart because it’s the last step. There’s nothing left and a lot of dudes freak out and the women become bitchier. I see it to be bad for relationships.”

You know what I see to be bad for relationships?  Taking advice from Mischa ing Barton. So, before you all start tossing your engagement rings in the river, may we review Mischa Barton’s love life?  I’ll leave out the one night stands because I’m pretty sure that even the Wordpress blogging platform that we use here has a character limit.

2004-05-  Brandon Davis.  Druggie, loser, leech.

2005-07-  Cisco Adler, better known as Penduballs.

2007-08-  Jamie Dornan

2008-          Brett Simon, Taylor Locke, Josh Hartnett

2008-09    Luke Pritchard

However, to fully subscribe to this newly created religion created by me, I must surrender and blindly follow her teachings.  Mischa’s doctrine is the gospel and I must respond to her word.  I’ll start by petitioning Richard Carpenter for a re-write of The Carpenter’s classic, played at every wedding in the 1970s, “We’ve Only Just Begun.”  I, uh, propose:  “We’ve Reached The Finish Line.”

Lesson two in The Book Of Mischatology:  Get Married When You Have Kids

Though Barton states clearly that marriage is an ending, she fully plans to indulge in the married bitchiness so her kids can pay the price…lucky (non) bastards!

“Whoever is going to be the father of my children, I’ll probably inevitably marry,” she tells OK!   “But that’s not on the cards anytime soon.”

Whew…thankfully that’s not on the cards anytime soon.

Stay tuned for more from The Teachings Of Mischatology including a chapter I’m really looking forward to, titled How I Made Ankle Weights Work For Me.

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