Bravo A List Awards: Live Blogging Wasted

RED CARPET:

A: UGH! Andy Cohen thinks he’s good on tv, and the perfect type of gay…he’s not. Oh here comes Chelsea Handler, hey Chelsea you’re funny and wonderful wonderful but what we really want to know is how hard was it sleeping your way to the top by dating the president of E!. Oh wait, we’re not suppose to say that.

David: Whose the hell is that guy?

ANDY : I’m like a pig in I don’ know what right now because I’m here with the Real Housewives of Atlanta ( Fake-a-souraus)

A: I’m loving the opening with Rosanne and all Kathy’s star friend cameos. Rosanne just called Zac Efron gay.

L: Uh oh this isn’t one of those shows where whoever wins is the only person who showed up. OH MY GAWD! neil Patrick Harris just won and pecked his boyfriend on the cheek!!

A: Do me Howie.

David: I want to go to McDonald’s will someone come with me?

A: I can’t move.

L: Look Kathy’s back.

D: Alex you come.

A: NO way! Caramel sundae please though. Kathy’s Malawi children are parading around the stage for their new mommy.

L: I love how Kathy’s doing wardrobe changes all the time her boobs have never looked younger. Wow Rachael Zoe is looking amazing tonight and completely sober and together. The reality star catagory is a joke right?

A: I don’t think so. They are treating these reality stars like their talented for being themselves.

L: MTV’s TRASH-ELLE’s presenting to Kim Kardashian. She shows how rookie she is when she touched her chest and muffled her mic. Such an amature move.

NENE!!! MY BABY GIRL WINS BEST REALITY STAR! Anderson Cooper has some gay powers he picked her. Oh she done gain some weight from the show.. she’s barely fitting into that Dolce. Look at them new titties, she got new ones. Oh I love her! I love Nene…. even though she’s fat.

LISA LAMPANELI!? I love this bitch, she’s looking richer and richer. Oh God this show is so F list, Katy Perry Didn’t show.

A: A List style male let’s see… Justin Timberlake. SURPRISE!! Justin Timberlake couldn’t be there but he sent a vapid tape I think from sitting on his toilet in the bathroom.

L: He’s going to use that award as a butt plug later. Oh I ove Kim’s dress!

Kardashians: Please Welcome Raphael Sadiee?

L: WHO WHAT? I liked it…

A: Paris! Paris!Paris!

L: Why does Paris alway get the worst writing? It has to be Chuck & Blair from Gossip Girl, it just has to be…

A: Horrors! PARIS JUST ANNOUNCED THE WINNER AS “The L WORLD“!! It’s “The L WORD” I cant believe it. Kathy called her out on it, saying “it’s a big word” and shrugging. She’s right.

L: What!! A list chef? I’m smoking a cigarette for this category.

A: I’m reading Carrie Fisher’s book right now how hilarious. Wait Tori Spelling, that bitch just wrote that book. Guess what she wins, I’m guessing.

L: I’m going to get that book! That excerpt from Tori’s story was really intersting! I’m going to get that book.

David: Please! That was the best part of that book.

A: I’m bored of this show now NEXT SHOW! NEXT!

L: No this is good I like it.

David: Mcdonald’s is here!

A: McDonald’s DAVID? You’re the devil. Oh SURPRISE Tori wins because she’s there!

Tori: I know what you’re thinking ‘Tori can write? I didn’t know she can read’.

L: That’s the 40th time I heard her say that joke.

A: She wants to be a gay icon so bad, bring me a gay that adores Tori! Show them to me so I can laugh at them. How much longer do we have?

L: Half an hour. Who has the best A list look out of the Real Housewives? I can’t wait to judge them, but who pays a dollar to vote?

Hermonna, eww she’s a reak, Vicki in a hefty bag, too shiny. Sheree, oh this is cute the shoes are too chunky though. Kely looks great like money. Tamara from the OC is sooo OC and ill fitted. Kim from Atlanta surprises and looks hot. Lauri could be Rachel Zoe if she was discovered coke. Jeana’s a big red tomato oh honey. Lisa rocks lesbian chic, but she did good. Lynne from the OC BORING! Boring. AAAWW NeNe.

A: That’s a trashbag!

L: Oh Gretchen pulls it out.

L: Bethany from NYC could have done better but she looks pretty in hot pants. The Office wins Best Show but none of the A list names show up to accept. David our friend is totes snoring on the couch in the background. Do you hear him Alex?

A: How could I not?

L: OH GOD ING JENNY MCCARTHY! SHOOT ME.

A: “There’s no shorterend of hilarious people on TV” unless you’re talking to Jenny McCarthy. Oh Gee I bet Chelsea Handler wins…because she’s the only one who showed. This awards show is useless!

L: I can’t believe I’m screwing the president of E and I won and award for it! Chelsea stop hating on Tori.

A: Lynn! Lynn! You just fell over onto me!! Are you OK?

L: I’m sorry Alex I can’t make you a supermodel. I love Kathy Griffin, I was very entertained.

A: Good show girl. What did you think David?

D: (snoring)

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