Paris Wants to Fix Her Wonky Eye

According to a Beverly Hills source, Hilton stopped by a plastic surgeon’s office earlier this week, seeking to “fix her drooping left eyelid.” Our insider says Paris had hush-hush surgery six years ago to lift her lids. The muscles of her left eye were supposedly damaged as a result, “causing it to droop more than the right” - a look that was once parodied on “South Park.”

And also parodied mercilessly on this site. Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to correct that eye sooner. Paris spends two-thirds of her waking hours admiring herself in a mirror — in between giggling vapidly at firecrotch jokes and getting porked, of course — and I imagine eight solid hours of narcissism a day would make the wonky eye all too apparent. And then there’s the “wonk-wonk, wonk-wonk” sound I kept murmuring under my breath while following her around that one night at Hyde. It actually made her cry. It was really funny, because her right eye cried harder than her left one. I laughed and pointed and everything. Lazy eyes are a real scream!

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