Crabbie's Hollywood: Jennifer Wants Brad

A source tells OK! Magazine that Jennifer Aniston has begun the process of adopting herself a new baby boy. Reportedly, Jennifer was inspired to make this move by seeing how happy pal Sheryl Crow is with her own little adopted kid Wyatt. The whole thing has absolutely nothing to do with Jennifer being insanely jealous of Angelina Jolie, who has become famous for adopting orphans in partnership with Jennifer's ex-husband Brad Pitt. Jennifer is in no way, shape or form trying to compete with Angelina. It's all about Jennifer doing what's right for her.

Hmm, and what exactly is right for Jennifer? Lately, dating Paul Sculfor has been right for her. But is Paul  Sculfor the kind of man a woman like Jen would want to settle down and raise kids with? A former cokehead model who has the added disadvantage of being British and therefore smelly? I don't think Jen is really serious about Sculfor - he's just a fling. No, there's only one man Jennifer wishes to truly share her happiness with. Brad Pitt.

Jennifer has not gotten over Brad - in fact, she hasn't even begun getting over him. I know this because every time Jen gives an interview she insists she's put the whole thing behind her - this is a dead give-away that she actually thinks about him every waking minute, dreams about him, sometimes thinks she sees him squeegeeing her car at red-lights only to realize it's actually Vince Vaughn (he's stalking her, plus he can't get work). In fact, Jennifer will never get over Brad - and deep down she knows this. So what is her only option? To try and get him back. And why did he dump her in the first place? He liked burying his face in Angelina's crotch - plus, Jennifer refused to have kids. Well, Jennifer is solving that second issue. Now she'll be able to welcome Brad back with her own open arms and those of a tyke. 

All she needs is for Angelina to suddenly close her legs. This could happen at any moment, for one of a multitude of reasons, most utterly insanity. Like Angie suddenly thinking Brad's tongue is a snake that's trying to drink her life-juice out through her vagina. Or Billy Bob Thornton popping in one day and making Angelina realize how much she misses his braying horse-noises. It's only a matter of time.