Sacha Baron Cohen’s new alter ego, Bruno, is a gay fashion reporter from Austria. The spread features him posing alongside men looking flirty and excited. Bruno’s outfits are totally crazy and R-rated, just like his interview for the publication.
Mixing German and English, Bruno talks about fashion, male celebs and staying trendy in recession.
Here are some highlights, some are really funny, ridiculous and totally uncensored. Hope you’ll be ok reading his German/English language mix.
GQ: Dear Bruno, if forced to choose: Dolce or Gabbana?
Gabbana. Dolce is bald, so zere’s no hair to grab hold of.
GQ: Dear Bruno, how can I get some “Efron hair”? Or at least some “Pattinson hair”?
Ich vouldn’t bother getting a Zac Efron hairstyle right now, cos ich am about to change mine and he’s certain to copy me again. In terms of grooming, ze only thing he hasn’t copied me with ist getting his ballensack pierced-vell, he hadn’t had it done ze last time ich saw him.
GQ: Dear Bruno, is it okay to “manscape” down there?
It’s more zan okay; it is most essential. Be careful if you do it yourself, though-yesterday ich tried to self-wax mein arschenhaller und glued meinself to ze bed. Manscaping ist important, but not as crucial as getting regular anal bleaching. If Bruno didn’t get his schmutziger arschenhaller bleached twice a month, his shtinker vould resemble Dizzy Gillespie during a trumpet solo. In Austria anal bleaching ist considered so important zat it’s paid for by ze state. In fact, you cannot run for office if you don’t have a vhite arschwitz. Indeed, ex-chancellor Kurt Waldheim vas elected on ze back of a prishtine anus. Zere are added benefits to getting ze bleaching-on my last session, mein beautician, Klaus, found ze long-lost head of a David Beckham action figure up zere.
GQ: Dear Bruno, can men wear heels? When and why?
Of course. Some guys look great in heels-ze singer P!nk, for example. Alzo, mein last boyfreund, Diesel, vas a genuine Pygmy only three eight, so ich made him vear heels so he could give me plow jops mitout me having to bend mein knees.
GQ: Dear Bruno, what do you sleep in?
In reality, ich sleep in a seaweed body wrap under a Zac Posen Navy-Cut Nightshirt. In mein dreams, ich sleep naked in a giant reed basket drifting slowly down ze Nile, cradled in ze arms of Daniel Radcliffe.
GQ: Dear Bruno, I am shocked by the cost of jeans these days. I saw one pair that retailed for $700-how is that possible?
Zat’s ze great thing abaus ze recession-stores are cutting zeir prices.
GQ: Dear Bruno, I am all in favor of protecting the animals, but what is reasonable? I won’t wear fur, but do I need to give up my leather jackets or shoes?
Ich vant to make it clear: Bruno ist totally against vearing fur-it’s too expensive und high-maintenance. I mean, vhy don’t giant pandas have a label on zem saying zey’re not machine vashable? Regarding shoes und jackets, if you vant to be ein Leatherboy, zat’s fine.
GQ: Dear Bruno, where should I be putting my iPhone? The wife says the belt clip is totally out, But it looks like a tuna sandwich in my pocket. Anyplace else?
Vhat ein stupid question. Keep it in your assistant’s pocket, obwiously.
Bruno starring Sacha Baron Cohen hits theaters July 10. You just CAN’T miss it!
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