Tom Cruise = Jesus Christ

The Mission: Impossible star has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world.. and leader David Miscavige believes that in future, Cruise will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion.

A source close to the actor said: “Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

I buckled down with a copy of the Bible, and even cross-referenced it with the Greek Septuagint for thoroughness, and I couldn’t find a single scripture in which Tom Cruise was analagous to Jesus Christ. It would seem that there just aren’t any passages that have the Messiah getting pounded in the ass by another dude. Weird, I know. And I double-checked, just to make sure — the bleeding anal fissures that result from a night of gay intercourse can’t be considered stigmata, either, in that Jesus never actually took it in the pooper. Sorry to disappoint, folks, but it’s all right there in the good book.

A couple of shots after the jump of wife Mary Magdelene Katie Holmes at the Giorgio Armani show in Paris yesterday. Apparently Tom isn’t the only one wearing shaping garments in the family! Woo, woo!

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