Owen Wilson Wants to Die?

Santa Monica police issued a statement saying officers responded to a “medical assistance call” at a house on Wilson’s street shortly after noon Sunday. “The person was transported to a local hospital where they are being treated,” the police statement said. Later in the evening, Wilson’s brothers Andrew and Luke, as well as his parents, were seen at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.

But what we all want to know — the real reason for the visit? According to Star magazine

Actor Owen Wilson was hospitalized after attempting suicide. Sources tell the ENQUIRER and Star that he sliced his left wrists and took an indeterminate amount of pills. Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Owen’s house around noon on Sunday. His wrist was sutured and bandaged at the hospital. The ENQUIRER and Star broke the story of Owen’s hospitalization earlier Sunday and revealed that he was being transferred from St. John’s after being stabilized. The publications learned that he was going to be detoxed.

I don’t know if I can entirely trust this Star magazine report. His “left wrists?” Exactly how many left wrists does Owen Wilson have? And, more importantly, did he ever encounter a mermaid trapped in a can of sardines or meet a two-headed Bigfoot alien baby that hangs out with Jesus? I remember several other people on various covers of the Enquirer who did. Besides, Owen Wilson always struck me as a really mellow kind of guy. The type who smokes a lot of pot and kinda talks like he was part of the cast of “Point Break,” not some histrionic diva hacking at his multiple left wrists with a spork and ODing on anti-anxiety drugs. From the sounds of it, he might have just needed a pedicure and a little Pamprin and to be told how pretty he is once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

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