Owen Wilson Tried to Kill Himself, for Real

A distraught Owen Wilson was found bloodied and dazed after trying to commit suicide by overdosing on pills and slitting his wrist in the wake of a bitter blowup with a close pal.There were no details as to what may have caused Wilson to go off the deep end, except that the incident occurred shortly after a vicious quarrel with an unidentified friend. Wilson’s last serious romantic relationship - with beauty Kate Hudson - fell apart just before Memorial Day. Sources insisted that it did not contribute to Wilson’s emotional turmoil. But Wilson, 38 - who always appeared to be a happy slacker type - has a dark history of depression.

Poor, poor Owen Wilson. And endless stream of drugs and pussy and cash must be so emotionally taxing sometimes. Just like swimming in a chocolate river with Playmate mermaids and riding rainbow unicorns into the sunset leave you so spiritually exhausted. What this guy needs is a break — a night-shift job at a sewage treatment center and maybe esophageal cancer and cleft palate. A little something to purge the monotony of “glorious excess” all the time. Owen is only a man, after all.

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