Team Cruise Clears Katie Holmes To Speak To The Media Again

CAA's Katie Holmes Problem
Having satisfactorily completed the Celebrity Centre's rigorous, ten-week "My Life Is Great And I Am As Madly In Love As The Day I Signed My Contract: Level VII Post-Betrothal Communications" course, Scientology war bride Katie Holmes is being slowly reintroduced to the public, giving her first interview as Mrs. Tom Cruise to Harper's Bazaar:

"I have a husband and children that I adore. I have a career that I really love. When I sit back and reflect, it's - wow!" Holmes, 28, says in the March issue of Harper's Bazaar.
"I am very grateful. Tom makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and has since the day I met him. I love being with him. I love calling him husband."

Even with the intensive media training she's received since the wedding, Holmes still has some trouble properly executing her Cruise-sanctioned soundbite. But after a handful of thetan-clearing taser jolts administered by her hovering handler, she was finally able to clear the speech-enturbulating tic from her reactive mind that induced her to mistakenly refer to her beloved as "master" rather than "husband" and complete the rest of the interview without incident.
Published 2/2/07 by


Defamer

DISCLAIMER: This posting was submitted by a user of the site not from The Insider editorial staff. All users have acknowledged and agreed that the submission of their story and its contents is in compliance with our Terms of Use.

Comments (0)