Lindsay Lohan Breaks Up Marriages

had been sticking it to Lindsay Lohan while in rehab. The Daily Mail reports

Exhibit ‘A’, which is attached to the divorce papers, includes articles claiming Lohan started a relationship with Tony Allen while they were both being treated at the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah. Stephanie is said to have been “devasted” by the allegations. A friend reportedly said: “She went through IVF three times and suffered two miscarriages, and when they finally got two beautiful babies, he hooks up in rehab with a girl half his age.” Tony has denied the Lohan sex claims, but another report claims that when mates in a bar quizzed him about it, he boasted: “C’mon, it’s Lindsay Lohan. Hell, yes! Wouldn’t you?”

I sure hope the firecrotch tasted good going down, because Tony there is saying auf Wiedersehen to the 1.5 billion dollar empire that is Linpac Packaging. They make all the boxes for McDonald’s world wide. I said McDonalds. Yes. Little dollar bills with wings are literally fluttering around this woman at all times, and Tony’s just gonna pluck them out of the air and use them to wipe the stank off his wiener. It would have probably been easier to just slam an encyclopedia shut on his dick a couple of times and pay a meth whore to swab her mouth sores with it, but, you know, where’s the fun in that? Guys who wear eyeliner really like a good challenge.

More of Lindsay dressed as a Foot Locker employee on the way to see ‘Good Luck Chuck’ after the jump

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