Britney Spears Sex Tape?

Nothing caps off the triumphant loss of your children like video footage of you with a stanger’s penis in your mouth. Just ask Britney Spears! London’s The Sun reports

The man in question says he met [Britney] on holiday in June and taped their alleged night of lust in her hotel room. However, according to the unnamed man, the romp was a bit of a damp squib. He told a US magazine: “It was just normal sex, we didn’t do anything crazy. It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out.”

So far, the only thing holding him back from releasing the video is [his own disappointment in his] performance; he is [too] embarrassed to let the rest of the world see it!

I supposed video footage of a drunken one-night stand could be worse. It could be a tape of Britney Spears, say, clubbing defenseless baby seals or dressed like a Nazi and setting Jews on fire. Or burping uncontrollably and rambling on about time travel. Boy, would that ever be embarrassing! She should thank her lucky stars something like that never made it onto the net. How could you ever take her seriously then?

More of Britney leaving the DMV on Monday after the jump

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