Lindsay Lohan will have sex with anyone, anywhere

“She came into the meeting with Riley, and she comes over and sits next to me, being overly nice. She was complimenting me on my hair and trying to be my friend. It didn’t seem sincere at all. “A few days later, I get a text message from Riley telling me he wanted to ‘take a break.’ I knew instantly it was because of Lindsay.”

“I’ve stuck by Riley through the good and the bad,” Breanna told The ENQUIRER. “We lived together for three years and planned on being together forever. “But when he finally confessed to me that he had sex with Lindsay in one of the stairwells at Cirque — that was it, we were done.”

She was stunned to discover Riley had given her a fake diamond engagement ring. “I went to get it repaired because some of the diamonds fell out,” she recalled. “I wanted to scream when the jeweler told me the stones were cheap cubic zirconias.”

I don’t know what the big deal is. Girls are always asking for a man who’s more cultured. The easiest way for a guy to be that is to sleep with Lindsay Lohan. It’ll be as if you’re having sex with all of New York, Southern California, Utah, maybe Florida, Europe, Australia, etc. Just stick your penis into Lindsay’s vagina and you’ll be like that dude who flew across the world.

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