Shunned By 'Trek,' William Shatner Not Without Craigslist-Based Options [Independent Cinema]

Shunned By 'Trek,' William Shatner Not Without Craigslist-Based Options [Independent Cinema]
Apparently, we weren't the only ones shocked and saddened to learn that William Shatner's erratic speech patterns and considerable Klingon wrestling experience would not be put to use in the next Star Trek movie. (Some turk named Chris Pine would be playing young Kirk in JJ Abrams' Muppet Babies-esque take on the series.) In Hollywood, however, when one transporter pod closes, another often opens; we're thrilled, then, to direct Mr. Shatner to the following Craigslist casting opportunity for an upcoming major motion picture, tailored to his specific strengths:

Dear Mr. William Shatner,

The Enterprise may no longer want you... but a new enterprise does! We'd like to beam you up for a cameo role in FRATERNITY ESCORTS, a new raunchy college comedy about a group of Animal House-esque misfits who learn to turn tricks for wealthy Beverly Hills women in the hopes of raising forty grand needed to avoid eviction.



The part you'd be playing is tailor-made for you seeing as the character is in fact named... well, William Shatner! In the third act climax (ignore the pun), you discover that your real life wife, Elizabeth Anderson Martin, has been sleeping with one of our young fraternity brothers. (Don't worry, it's only a movie!) As a result, you end up in a high-speed car chase alongside buddies Ozzy Osbourne and David Hasselhoff (provided he remarries by the time cameras roll or isn't stuck in a rehab center in Utah somewhere), whose wives have also surrendered to the fraternity's allure. Although it might not sound like it, FRATERNITY ESCORTS is a comedy with plenty of heart. [...]


Sincerely,
The Phi Kappa Escorts



We found no similar Craigslist appeal for Osbourne or Hasselhoff, presumably because both instantly signed on to the project after hearing the compelling pitch from the Phi Kappa brothers themselves on the Scream Fest red carpet and behind a Vegas Strip Baja Fresh, respectively. Still, it might take more than a cool-sounding plot and the promise of unlimited craft services floorburgers and heroin-filled donuts to lure a talent on the level of Shatner, who may only agree to star if the role is rewritten to feature Kirk himself as the cuckolded fogey who eventually learns to wholeheartedly embrace kegstand culture.
Published 10/29/07 by


Defamer

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