Dina Lohan: Rehab Is For Quitters

In the latest educated statement from the Queen of Disassociated Reality,
Dina Lohan just can’t understand why her daughter needed to go to rehab
after her arrest earlier this year, while college students busted for DUI
aren’t going to rehab as well:

   Having just moved out of her conspicuous West Hollywood condo (where
her neighbors included Cher, Elton John and Joan Collins), and into
the Beverly Hills Hotel, little Ms. [Lindsay] Lohan is, as her mother
put it, “amazing! She’s such a normal girl. Stupid! [She] got behind
the wheel, got a D.U.I., stupid! But Lindsay’s not, like, they blew it
out of complete proportion. [She] had to go to three rehabs! Like, if
you’re in college and you get a D.U.I., you don’t go to rehab. It’s
just ridiculous!”

Why didn’t I think of that?  I can totally see her point.  Stupid college
students, studying to become doctors and psychiatrists and scientists and
teachers, they have no idea what the world is really like.  Of course,
perhaps Lindsay wouldn’t have needed her last stint in rehab had the
aptly-named Promises and Wonderland centers delivered the goods, instead
of turning into thirty-day vacations and spa retreats, but after all, I’m
sure Lindsay needed a break from all that work she was putting into
clubbing and partying.  (And, of course, Promises did such wonders for
Britney, I don’t know why in the world both girls had relapses.)

 It isn’t like anyone forced Lindsay to enter rehab at any point, she did
so on her own, but I’m sure it was a nice breather for her.  Maybe it took
three rehabs to get her to that truly relaxed state…you know, the one you
get into when you stop pumping your body full of toxins and illegal
substances, washing them down with fermented beverages, and start living a
healthy life instead.

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