Britney Spears Is So Eager to Help Others That She Took the Time Out of Her Busy, Busy Day to SIGN HER FUCKING NAME ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN A CVS RECEIPT FOR 8 BOTTLES OF GREY GOOSE

The mainstream tabs are acting like Britney Spears is suddenly Mother Theresa because she’s auctioning off a signed copy of Blackout on eBay. Proceeds go to UNICEF.

“I think it’s important to give back and with the release of Blackout, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to give the fans a chance to bid on something to help children everywhere,” says Brit in a press release.

Seriously? Britney Spears ing woke up early enough to clutch a pen in her shaky, hungover hands and scribble something that could be, if you squint hard enough, her ing name, on a compact disc before wiping the semen off of her inner thighs and heading to Les Deux. WAY TO GO, BRITNEY! Consider this a virtual pat on the back from your friends at Evil Beet. You are phenomenally helpful. You are saving the world, one scribble at a time.

She’s doing this in conjunction with X17. You know, the photo agency that pays her 50% of all the “candid” pics they get of her. I’m sure this is all being done for the sake of the children, and is not in any way related to the negative press that both parties are currently dealing with.

Bidding is currently at $7200. So, about the amount Britney spends on cocaine each week.

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