Tara Reid Smells Like a Homeless Vet

Don’t look for Tara Reid on another episode of “Scrubs.” Appearing at the New York Comedy Festival, show creator Bill Lawrence said Reid was his least favorite guest star - “not because she wasn’t a nice person,” but because she allegedly stank of booze and smokes. (Reid’s rep didn’t return an e-mail.)

Just booze and smokes, huh? No mention of ball sweat and desperation? Strange. Well, if you want to imbibe the heady scent of Tara Reid for yourself but don’t live in L.A., you could try this handy alternative: lure a couple of homeless winos and some former teenage runaways turned prostitutes into a tiny, poorly-ventilated room, then crank up the heat while making them do jumping jacks and mountain climbers. Make sure they all have lit cigarettes and a couple of bottles of Thunderbird. It’s fine if a couple throw up or use the corner as a toilet — it just adds to the authenticity. Now lock them in said room for three days to allow the subtler notes to ferment, open the door and mist with Britney Spears’ Curious and voilà! — Tara Reid. The only difference is the smell won’t sleep with you.

Tara stinkin’ up The Ivy November 23rd:

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