Paula Abdul Has Never Been Drunk, Done Drugs

Despite the 2,472 embarrassingly incoherent interviews Paula Abdul gave last month, the “American Idol” judge is still insisting that she’s clean and sober. She tells Us Weekly,

“I’ve never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs. Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying or doing drugs that could have done that. There have been 100 million lies about me. I’m squeaky clean. I’ve worked my ass off my entire life. Being involved in the show causes people to question everything. I have never missed a live show. Even when I had surgery on my hand, I left my hospital bed to go to the show.”

Her “twenty year career?” I thought it was more like five. Probably another unfortunate side effect of all the percocet she’s been gobbling. You might mix up numbers and forget what day it is and have trouble remembering the six years you spent downing Wild Irish Rose and sobbing through “Rush, Rush” on repeat while cradling a picture of Emilio Estevez and rocking in the fetal position. That’s how I spent most of the early nineties, anyway.

Published 2/14/07 by


Yeeeah!

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