Heath Ledger Brokebacks Lindsay Lohan

You didn’t actually think that Lindsay Lohan could let her vagina lay dormant for more than sixteen hours, did you? Now that Riley Giles is outta the picture, she needed someone new to fill that void he left behind — literally. (Get it? It was a vagina joke. You know — void, hole… vagina. Okay, whatever. My genius is ing wasted on you. Pearls before swine. No, wait — pearl necklace before swine. Huh? Look, I’m throwing you a bone here, people! Work with me!) Anyway, the latest jerkoff to hop on board the Firecrotch Express is none other than “Brokeback Mountain” actor Heath Ledger. Radar Online says

Lindsay Lohan [is] the latest post-Michelle Williams conquest for actual actor Heath Ledger — according to a source, the recently-rehabbed starlet… texted Ledger for a furtive rendezvous while the two were in New York over Thanksgiving weekend.

Sadly, this is somehow an improvement for both. Michelle Williams was a dumpy troll with a mongoloid countenance1 and Riley Giles was pretty much Brandon Davis without any of the charm2. It’s kinda like getting Hepatitis C for Christmas instead of Hepatitis A, or a your mom’s old three-speed instead of the rusted out Radio Flyer. You don’t really know whether to say “thank you” or just throw up a little in your own mouth.

1That means “she looks retarded,” for those of you who didn’t get the first vagina joke

2Guinea charm

Lindsay courtside at a Laker’s game and Heather as the Joker in the new Batman movie:

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