2007 ASL B.S. Awards: No. 9 - Tom Cruise

9. Dear Tom,

It's been a roller coaster year for your crazy gay ass. You continue to transform your once cutesy fun-loving normal wife (the girl who won the part, btw) into an imprisoned aging fashion mannequin. It's kind of like you're acting out your own fantasy to be a female style icon for the ages on your wifey because you don't want people knowing you're into dudes and couture. You've also managed to turn your two adopted children Connor and Isabella against the ex-wife that you adopted them with - Nicole Kidman. Recently, it was revealed that those kids refer to your new wife as "Mom" and Nicole as well, "Nicole". I think the cleaning lady must experience more familial warmth. You also manage to inject your wackjob religion into almost everything you do, but take great pains not to make it obvious. You had a brief spell in which you were open about it and pulled a complete hemmy on Matt Lauer on national television. But realized how much of a crazy tool you looked while bashing psychiactric medication. Since then, you've pulled back on the openly crazy. Germany wanted to throw your ass out because they HATE money-grubbing volcano worshippers. But you managed to appease them somehow and filmed your next flick ("Valkryie") there. But you receive the bitchslap mainly because all my straight guy friends think you've effed up Katie Holmes beyond all recognition. In fact, they're all hoping she manages to pull off her plan to fake her own death and escapes with Suri to work as a cute waitress at Friday's. Hopefully regaining some of the hot she had on "Dawson's Creek". I'll have the Cobb salad. Thanks Katie. Love your flair.

Check out the Tom Cruise 2007 photo gallery featuring over 45 photos after the jump. The Top 10 Bitch Slap Awards listees are here.

(Hint - Right-click on the image thumbnails with your mouse to open them in a new tab or window.)

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