Jennifer Lopez [will be] giving birth naturally, quiet, and free from painkillers. J-Lo and husband Marc Anthony are keen followers of [Scientology and believe] that loud hospital environments and doctor’s shouts of ‘push push’ can have damaging effects on a newborn later in life. A pal of the 38-year-old [said]: “Although she knows it will be hard not to scream, she understands why it will be good for the baby to have peace and quiet.”
Perhaps more than her maternal screams possibly scarring the infant, J-Lo should consider the life-long impact of being snatched up in the sinewy arms of that hobgoblin they call “Marc Anthony.” The doctor might as well chuck the baby in a ransacked grave and see how it bonds with a partially-exhumed corpse or let it cuddle with a sewer rat for a couple of hours. Not that the idea of silence in and of itself is so bad. In fact, I’d even go as far to say a totally silent JLo/Marc Anthony album is damn near brilliant. It’s really more about getting the silence timing right.
Silent birther Katie Holmes doing her best middle-aged elementary school secretary last week:
Yeeeah!
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