Top 10 Secret Scientologists

I recently stumbled on a list featuring Hollywood's top ten most secret Scientologists. I knew about some of them. For example, I knew Jason Lee was a part of the cult. I remember discovering as much because it all but broke my heart. Jason Lee? NO! Not the sexy, funny, cultish movie star Kevin Smith helped out in the 90s. Not him! But it's true. Jason Lee is in fact a Scientologist and that was the day I broke up with him.

I wasn't surprised about the 9th spot, Leah Remini because she was on Kirsty Alley's (hilarious) TV show, Fat Actress. We all know Scientologists stick together like drunk, closeted frat boys.

When I got to number 6, Danny Masterson, I thought, Huh. Weird. And then I realized that if he's a Scientologist, chances are his adorable brother, Christopher (whom I had a crush when Malcolm in the Middle aired back in 2000) probably was as well. My already short list of cute boys from Hollywood grows smaller by the minute.

The number 2 spot surprised me as well. I mean, what's the deal with Scientology? I have no crush on Gerry Seinfeld, his face should be used for birth control, but I like him just fine. Plus, isn't he Jewish? Is it OK for a Jew to have a ménage à trois with religion, not that there's anything wrong with that? Isn't he double-dipping? Or does this just prove that many of us are right? Scientology isn't really a religion at all.

I was a little surprised by who didn't make it on the list more so than who did. For example, Giovanni Ribisi didn't make it. He's another awesome actor I had to break up with recently.

But the number one secret Scientologist blew my mind a little bit.

Charles Manson, folks. He wasn't actually a Scientologist, like, he never started practicing Scientology, but not because he couldn't pay the dues or they thought he was too weird. The truth of the matter is that Charles Manson, the guy who brainwashed dozens of people enough to have them murder for him, took over 150 hours worth of Scientology courses before deciding it was too crazy for him. That's right, people. Charlie Manson, aka one of the craziest people America has ever created, one of the greatest brainwashers of all time, decided that Scientology was too crazy for him.

Someone better keep an eye on Katie. She's looking a little Ouisch lately.

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