Vegas, Baby

I’m the first person to ever pass out here!

The beds at the Palazzo, of which there are more than 3,000, are almost larger than my entire room in New York. It’s the most comfortable reminder of my cramped squalor I’ve ever experienced.

This television is one of three in my suite, positioned perfectly so that a man in a hurry to get clean won’t have to miss a moment of his $9.95 pornography purchase (yay, company card).

Toilet phone, situated for easy use while seated. Nothing is this important.

Seriously, you can’t get away from televisions. Go ahead and try. We put a war documentary on one tempered the atmposphere with Rock of Love 2 on the other.

These are detailed images taken of the slot machine I’m seated at in the first picture. Considering Vegas’ clientele, one might think gaming manufacturer’s would hold off on the redneck jokes. One would be wrong.

This coat, spotted at a Palazzo bar, is made of a material with which I have no experience. Do you have any ideas as to the origin?

Where were the celebs? Nobody knew, but our waitress, a delightful blond named Elsie, told us, “Vegas is getting worse than LA.” I doubted that, but before I could tell her as much she was beckoned over to a table of four middle-aged gentlemen, two of whom had ponytails. One of the ones without a ponytail asked to take a photo with her. Elsie carefully sat next to him whilst one of his friends held a BlackBerry extremely close to Elsie’s face. He took a picture and then said, “That’s all we needed.” I doubted that, also. Elsie walked away from the salivating quartet, all of them now huddled around the telephone.

The drinks were very strong.

I won two dollars playing video poker and decided to, as they say, quit while I was ahead. Though I wasn’t sure I was.

Blogging is often unglamorous.

Below are the celebrities all around me who I missed while in my doldrums.

Today I am going to rent and then shoot a machine gun, and tonight I am staying out late. Check back for more updates. I honestly do hope they’re more exciting.

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