10 Ways 'Meet The Spartans' Can Achieve 'Epic Movie' Greatness [Lists]

After hearing the news last February that Britney Spears had shaved her head, most of us reacted with shock, quipped to a friend ("that bitch crazy!"), clicked on a picture or two and went on about our lives. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, howevs, immediately began thinking about ways they could squeeze the moment into their annual low-brow pop culture mash-up to-be. Judging by the trailer for the duo's Meet the Spartans, inspiration never truly came, but that didn't stop 'em from using the moment anyway. In the trailer, a Spears lookalike shears her locks and begins cooing in her breathy baby voice, only to be -- wait for it! -- kicked into the pit from 300 by a Gerard Butler clone. Hilarious, right?

Yeah, we didn't think so either. But hey, it combines two pop culture moments from 2007, which is about as much as a Friedberg and Seltzer joke can hope to achieve. So while we have no official plans to see this movie (like EVER!), we put together a list of five moments we THINK will be included and five moments that we HOPE will be included in the sure-to-be-durst Meet The Spartans.

We think we'll see:
1. Miss South Carolina Teen USA, Caitlin "Such As" Upton
2. Soulja Boy's "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" dance (possibly performed by the cast of "Hairspray")
3. "Superbad's" McLovin
4. First Amendment crusader Andrew "Don't Tase Me Bro!" Meyer
5. The Soprano's ending

We'd like to see:
1. A send-up of the crazies Ben Foster played in "Alpha Dog" and "3:10 to Yuma," possibly played by Ben Foster himself
2. A "Wild Hogs" parody starring Stuntman Mike, Anton Chigurh, Chris Benoit and Tracy Morgan
3. A "Black Snake Moan" spoof where the Samuel L. Jackson role is played by Ted Danson in blackface (because Ted Danson in blackface is always good for a laugh)
4. A bit where Gary Busey keeps walking into the frame and interrupting "Atonement's" 5-minute tracking shot
5. Parodies of "Hotel Chevalier" and "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium," with the role of Natalie Portman played by Freddie Highmore

Published 1/25/08 by

Defamer

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