C-Day As Girls Aloud’s Cheryl Cole Colours Ashley Bad

Kimberley Walsh is spotted by the Mail looking the “colour of a well polished Chippendale sideboard”. Thomas Chippendale died in 1779, and Miss Walsh is said to be 26 years old.

Walsh is either older than she looks and preserved wonderfully by a Ronseal finish, or else the Chippendale to which the Mail refers is a Chippendale dancer, the only male stripping troupe with a range of home furnishings.

To her side is Miss Nicola Roberts, who appears to have misread the label and become dipped in creosote.

But this is to distract from the central plank that is Cheryl Cole. As the Sun’s Gordon Smart says this is C-day. It is C for Cheryl, although given Smart’s appearance in light grey suit, pink tie and belligerent expression, the C may signify something else.

The Sun says tonight Cheryl will come face-to-face with her husband Ashley Cole, the vomitous footballer.

If Aimee Walton’s testimony is to be believed, Cheryl would do well to stand back and keep a box of tissues and some anti-bacterial wipes to hand…

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