Prayer: Lord Jesus, Please Stop the Lohans

I mean, now that Lindsay's career is pretty much done, Dina has groomed Ali to support the family until her fifth stint in rehab and then they'll have to move on to Lindsay and Ali's brothers. Once those guys are washed up, I guess the family dog will be next. I'd say Dina and Michael have a good 10 years before all of the money's gone and they have to *gasp* get jobs of their own.

Still shrouded in mystery is what kind of "career" Mama and Papa Lohan are pushing for Ali. Michael says, "Ali’s got a lot of talent. She’s a gorgeous girl, and can sing. She’s animated and full of life." That's...kind of vague, Michael. Maybe she should...oh, I don't know...finish high school? Go to college? Become a lawyer? I know, it sounds crazy. But trust me, people have done it. And without the benefit of "fame."

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