Official Site Guarantees Safe Websurfing Environment For Tom Cruise-Lovers [Your New Homepage]

Official Site Guarantees Safe Websurfing Environment For Tom Cruise-Lovers [Your New Homepage]
In yet another calculated attempt at reclaiming the image he's labored to build over a quarter-century as Hollywood's most bankable leading men, world's leading Tom Cruise archivist Tom Cruise has opened his vaults and splayed their contents across his newly minted digital headquarters, TomCruise.com.

A carefully monitored, cordoned-off section of the intertubes where no malicious pranksters can post footage of the actor electrocuting Oprah Winfrey to death on infinite loop, the monochromatic vanity-site aims to "bring you in and share with you the fun I experience every day during the filmmaking process, from working on the script, to the making of the film through to what we finally see when we settle into our seats and the lights go down." Notably absent: a Tom's Blog section, the concept having been briefly toyed with before Cruise himself instructed his WebOrg-assigned site designer to delete it. After all, the series of increasingly hysterical messages left by commenter IndenturedServitude, along the lines of, "Please! Anyone! I am being held captive in a labyrinth seven stories beneath the Telluride compound. You're my only hope! Signed, KH...P.S. Beware the cyclops," threatened to compromise the very P.R.-spinning purpose of the site itself.
Published 5/6/08 by


Defamer

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