Cannes, Day 2: Julianne Moore vs. schlock and awe

But I digress.

Last night, my Cannes partner-in-crime Dave Karger and I put on our fancy-pants clothes — he a suave tux and I the same black evening gown I bust out every year in mid-May — to attend the opening night gala premiere of Fernando Meirelles' Blindness. We left our hotel and were happily strolling along, when the first of many subsequent photographers popped out in front of us and attempted to take our picture. And no, they had not mistaken us for some glamorous pair of celebrities. (Ha!) These paparazzi-of-the-regular-folk spend the entire week-and-a-half snapping photos of anyone in evening attire so they can then try to sell back a commemorative print. You know, Busch Gardens style.

Anyway, after avoiding some half-dozen shutterbugs, Dave and I held our breath and walked up the famed red carpet steps to the Palais. We had to sneak behind Dennis Hopper and his posse, who were getting their picture taken by real paparazzi. I hope we didn't ruin anyone's Hopper photo.

The opening ceremony began promptly at 7:15, kicking off with an unfunny shtick by a French emcee who then introduced this year's jury: Sean Penn (addressed as "Monsieur le Président" because he's the jury foreman); Natalie Portman (I wondered if her shiny black pumps were from her own recent collection of vegan designer shoes?); Alfonso Cuarón (sporting a new, fauxhawk-y 'do); Marjane Satrapi (in a flowered white frock — it was the first time I'd seen the Persepolis writer-director wearing anything but black); Italian actor Sergio Castellitto (soon to be familiar to American audiences as King Miraz in the new Narnia romp — who knew?); and some other people. Richie Havens then serenaded Penn with a rendition of his Woodstock classic, "Freedom," which he concluded with a ninja kick that surely would have impressed Kung Fu Panda's Jack Black. I noticed that when Havens called on the audience to "clap your hands!" jurors Alexandra Maria Lara (a German actress) and Apichatpong Weerasethakul (Thai director) did indeed put their paws together, while their jurymate Jeanne Balibar (French actress) did not. What gives, Jeanne? Couldn't find the rhythm or do you just have a no-clapping-in-public policy?

On to the movie. Blindness is an adaptation of José Saramago's wonderful, disturbing novel about a city whose residents go inexplicably blind, save for one woman who's played, in Meirelles' very faithful re-imagining, by Julianne Moore. The powerhouse actress was there last night (pictured), looking gorgeous in a yellow gown. Also on hand: castmates Gael García Bernal (he plays a nasty, nasty villain to perfection), Alice Braga, and Danny Glover. The film played well, and as the credits rolled, the audience gave Meirelles' a warm Cannes welcome — that is, a lengthy standing ovation. (In France, it's all about the director.)

After the movie, Dave and I headed to the beachside Blindness bash, which turned out to be kind of a dud, with too-loud bad music and little to offer in the way of victuals. (Well, for vegan-style moi, anyway. Wonder where Natalie went for dinner in this meat-crazy town?) So, after popping by a nearby restaurant to see our friends from Miramax (they're releasing Blindness in the States in September), we decided to call it a day.

This morning, it was back to the Palais for the press screening of Kung Fu Panda, which I found sweet and entertaining. And I'm not even a big animation fan. Tonight, we'll return to Panda-land — I refuse to use the word "pandemonium" in reference to the movie; I'll leave that to the hacks — for a party at the Carlton Beach Hotel pier. I'm hoping there will be more people in furry panda suits. Sadly, I missed that stunt yesterday. At the very least, Jack Black will show off a few kung fu moves, right?

Oh yes, the other thing I'm delighted to report to be in full swing once again this year is the plethora of schlocktastic flicks that come to Cannes in (desperate) hopes to find international distribution. This festival might be (rightly) known as the glitziest, most glamorous on earth, but there's also a seedy, coming soon to a dusty video-store shelf near you! side. Over breakfast this morning, I turned the page of my Variety and was treated to a full-page ad for a movie called Bad Blood, starring Piper Laurie. Even the poster was kind of sad: it looked like a low-rent Carrie rip-off, with a blood-drenched unknown actress staring out at me. (Check out the laughable trailer.) Elsewhere in the trade paper, there was another full-pager for My Life in Ruins, which showed Nia Vardalos standing in front of the Parthenon, holding up a map of Greece. (My life in ruins, ge? Hahahahaha!) Seems Vardalos hasn't been able to venture very far from her $241 million hit, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Sad, really, how quickly they fall in Hollywood.

Okay, c'est tout for now. À la prochaine, my PopWatch friends. (Hey, that kinda rhymes!)

DISCLAIMER: This posting was submitted by a user of the site not from The Insider editorial staff. All users have acknowledged and agreed that the submission of their story and its contents is in compliance with our Terms of Use.