U.K. Courts Ban All Britney Rehab Stories Except The Ones The British Public Can Easily Pull Up On The Internet

Britney Spears Completes Rehab Feeling Stronger, Clear-Minded, And Ready For First Relapse
Britney Spears's camp (now down to her manager, a lawyer who bills by the nervous breakdown, and a single, overtaxed nanny knee deep in crap-filled Luvs) was determined to prevent the kinds of anonymously leaked, "Tales of the Rehab Crypt" stories that have littered the U.S. media landscape this past month from appearing in the British tabloid press. Why, we're not entirely sure, as the English have always looked sympathetically upon the struggles of Coke-addict Satanists and their ilk, but the injunction was nevertheless successful:

Lawyers for Britney Spears won a British court injunction Thursday designed to prevent publication of stories about her recent stay in rehab.

The injunction bars unidentified "person or persons ... who has/have been leaking information about Ms. Spears' time in a rehabilitation clinic from further disclosures invading her privacy," said Schillings, the 25-year-old pop star's London law firm.



Even figuring in cross-Atlantic lag-time, this strikes us as a case of too little, too late: In the time it took to secure the injunction, Spears has since completed the program and departed the facility, proudly toting a Promises Super-Sober Swag Bag brimming with LORAC Mocktail Razberi Cosmo lip gloss, and all other manner of recovery-friendly freebies. Nothing in the ruling, therefore, prevents the British press from reporting what unfolds from this point forward, with the vulturous U.K. rags poised to capture Britney's every misstep as she fights off the seemingly omnipresent temptations of professional-duty hair clippers and the call of the double-occupancy bathroom stall.
Published 3/22/07 by


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