Sanjaya Malakar Talks to the Showbiz Show Blog

Me: Thank you for sitting down with us. I love those pumps!

Sanjaya: (airy whisper)

Me: Speak up. Wow, you're really, "San-shy-a." Get it???

Sanjaya: (breathy meandering during which I believe he said something about "overstock.com" and "candy corn")

Me: My daughter loves you. I like to say she has "Malakar-pal Tunnel Syndrome."

Sanjaya: Thank you.

Me: I'm kidding. I don't have a daughter. And if I did, she wouldn't be allowed to love you. Her chastity would be my number one priority.

(Sanjaya cries tears of joy and love and wipes them dry with his bangs)

Me: I love your smile. Where does it come from?

Sanjaya: Botox and Paxil.

(For 19 minutes I'm lost in Sanjaya's eyes. He sees through my petty arrogance and shame... all my defenses are broken and I quake with a sublime purging of ecstasy and sorrow. I experience as pure a communion with another human soul as I have ever known. This reverie is broken when Sanjaya's cellphone rings. It's his bookie. He places bets on several WNBA games.)

Me: Why do you think you had so much trouble with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough?"

Sanjaya: Probably because I can only sing what I believe to be true. And as I was singing, I started thinking there is a mountain high enough to keep me away from you – Mount Everest. And I started to think maybe the song should go, "There's only one Mountain high enough / to keep me away from you / and that’s Mount Everest / but don't worry because it's in Nepal / and I can't foresee a situation in which you would be on one side of Mount Everest and I would be on the other / and even if that happened I would rent a sherpa / and attempt the summit / but with oxygen, not recklessly / like they did in that book "Into Thin Air" by Jon Krakauer.

Me: Who are your greatest musical influences?

Sanjaya: A drill press. Kevin Covais. Newt Gingrich.