Amy Winehouse Diagnosed with Emphysema

Amy was admitted into the hospital after fainting at home. Doctors performed a battery of tests and diagnosed her with the chronic condition. Says Mitch, "With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70% lung capacity." Doctors warned Amy that if she had let the emphysema go untreated much longer, she would have been incapacitated and on continuous oxygen for the rest of her life. They insist that if she does not get off all drugs, including cigarettes, Amy will have a very grim future.

Mitch, who is certainly my candidate for Father of the Year, announced, "I'm saying to those drug dealers, and they know who they are, if they are supplying crack to Amy, then they've got to take responsibility. I don't want her hanging out with her mates like Pete Doherty either." Way to pass the buck, buddy. Mitch was happy to report that Amy should still be able to perform at the Glastonbury festival this week, which probably means another big fat payday for him.

Mitch also reported that Amy's husband, Blake Incarcerated, calls Amy everyday to offer his support and apologized to Mitch for getting Amy into drugs. No word on whether or not he apologized to Amy for getting her hooked...or for existing in general.

You know...this just infuriates me. I mean, yes, Amy is an adult and she is accountable for her actions. But to see someone who is so obviously surrounded with people who are even more toxic than the drugs she smokes is just intoxicating. Her father is an exploitative idiot and if it was MY daughter, Blake Incarcerated would be eating soup with a straw and Amy would be getting the care that she needs so that she can do what she loves. And if these are the types of people that she's been around her whole life, if this is all that she knows of "love," then what chance did she ever have, really? You throw a talented girl like Amy into the middle of a bunch of pathetic losers like Mitch Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil and see how well she comes out.

Also, Amy is 24 years old. TWENTY. FOUR. She has emphysema. You know who else has emphysema? My 75-year-old uncle. He developed it a few years ago after a lifetime of smoking. What took my uncle 60-odd years to accomplish, Amy did in about five years. What a disaster.